I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
