Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
