I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
