You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
