Well douche your snatch and let's go!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
