Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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