i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dear god my vagina.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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