Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
