hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize