Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
