tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
