and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
