walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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