You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
