11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
mondays should just be called national damage control day
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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