living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
