I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
