I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
