I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His hands were made for my vagina.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
