i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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