Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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