man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
