It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
