true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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