How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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