when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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