"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
