There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
