it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
