No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
