This dress was meant to end up on your floor
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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