What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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