You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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