No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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