Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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