Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
