OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
