Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
