I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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