I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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