Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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