Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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