I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
