Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
