what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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