nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
