and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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