my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
