Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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