get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
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there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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