Tell her she can't have a vagina
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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