While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
