how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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