oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
