you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
