i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
