is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
