my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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