booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
