that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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