Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Acid is not a monday night drug
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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