once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
