This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
