the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
