"it" just moved
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
