So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
