Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
