Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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