he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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