Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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