She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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