All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need to calm my uterus...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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