im about as happy as oj after his trial
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
