So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
