Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
