We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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