Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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