So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize